Socksey's Proper and Improper Jokes

[socksey]

This reference is from another Fibber, Carolina_Blue.  Thx, CB!   


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjrvhybCkL0#

[socksey]

Men's and women's brains as explained by Mark Gungor:

http://www.snotr.com/video/1180   

[socksey]

 

Grandma Got Molested At The Airport

[socksey]

Here's another goodie that maybe I should label R-Rated for language:

Corey Taylor - X-M@$

[socksey]

My Blackberry is not working!

My Blackberry Is Not Working! - The One Ronnie, Preview - BBC One

[socksey]

Who says men aren't romantic!?

Romance Isn't Dead

[socksey]

This is a great one!   

Devils & Angels

[socksey]

http://wallythekat.tripod.com/A_Pages/AA-Videos-YOU-Tube/Johnny-Betty-White.html

[socksey]

I am intimately familiar with all of these!

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of bio mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

[socksey]

Hilarious X Rated Doo Wop - It's Hard To Say I Love You When You're Sitting On My Face

[socksey]

These are great!  It's best to watch them in order.     But, if you are planning a cruise, maybe you shouldn't watch these at all.   

video 1:

Extreme Rough Sea - Cruiser Roll Motions


video 2:

Fancy a cruise anyone !!

[diane]

OMG...I'm cruising New Caledonia in 22 days....

The first video was done in the Pacific ocean..I'm doomed...

[socksey]

This is tooooooooooooooooo funny!   

water park prank

[socksey]

This is pretty funny!   

Rossini's "Cats Duet" (animation)

[socksey]

very funnyyyyyy!!



For The Love Of Mrs. Brown Sample Mrs Brown's Boys Live

[socksey]

[6:19:02 AM] socksey: here's a song kid_pantyhose referred to yesterday Piss Up A Rope - Ween Live and the words you should look at while it's playing  http://www.bing.com/music/lyrics/detail?q=Ween+Piss+Up+A+Rope+(Lp+Version)&songID=2C39F905-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&lyricsID=1103308&albumID=91FFF505-0100-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&artistID=69390000-0600-11DB-89CA-0019B92A3933&pc=LRFD&FORM=DTPMUA
[6:19:15 AM] socksey: pretty funnyyyyyyyyyy 

[socksey]

Boudreaux, the Cajun

Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. Boudreaux's first assignment was to a military induction center, and because he was a good talker, was assigned the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long, the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Boudreaux was getting a 99% signup rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was odd, because it would cost these low-income recruits $30 per month more for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge. The Captain decided that he would not ask Boudreaux directly about his selling techniques, but instead he would sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.

Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, 'If you got da normal GI inshoranse an' you go to Iraq an' git yoself kilt, da governmen' gonna pay you beneficiary $20,000.  If you take out da supplemental inshoranse, which cost you only t'irty dollar a mont, den da  governmen' gotta pay you beneficiary $200,000.' 'NOW,' Boudreaux concluded, 'which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Iraq furst?'

[socksey]

I think maria will love this one!

http://wimp.com/scarything/

[maria]

I think maria will love this one!

http://wimp.com/scarything/

Yep, loved it.  Think I originally saw a link to it at DailyGammon's discussion board and immediately put it on my Facebook page.

[socksey]

This is a really old one that I found while doing my spring cleaning in summer!  I thought it might be worthy of reviving. 


Twelve Monks

Twelve monks were about to be ordained.  The final test was for them to line up, nude, in a garden, while a nude model danced before them.

Each monk had a small bell attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction.  She proceeded down the line with the same response until she to to the final monk.

As she danced, his bell rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground.  Embarrassed, he bent down to pick up the bell, and then all the other bells began to ring...........