I sat on a picnic table outside the soundstage yesterday and it was like a family reunion. The place was crawling with film creatures who Iíve known forever.
I felt strange being there. They all seemed happy to see me, but I just didnít feel that great about myself. I was there meeting with a producer friend of mine who has a movie going to camera next week. She starts prep on her next movie later in July. Thereís another TV series shooting and a massive big movie later in the fall. Seems like lots of work this summer.
Itís been a long dry spell for a lot of people. Theyíre happy to be working and Iím genuinely happy for them. I think thatís why they were so warm towards me. They were in my shoes only a couple weeks ago.
Still, I couldnít shake that feeling... like I was crashing someone elseís party. Or maybe it was pride messing with me. Whenever Iíve been in that building, I was a producer or production manager. I was on top of the food chain. Now Iím picking over whatís left of the vacant crew positions.
They did offer me something last night and Iíll be going over the details with them later today. The job involves a fair bit of independence and Iíll be working with some high profile people. The hours might be a little more flexible than a typical crew position (mostly because I wonít be working with the crew). Should allow me to stay on top of my writing and other projects while making some key Los Angeles connections. I am thankful for the opportunity.
Mostly however, Iím disappointed in myself for allowing Ďprestigeí to be such a factor in my headspace. I thought I rid myself of that, but alas, I merely disguised it as something else. I shed my corporate identity only to become a prideful artist -- too proud to ask someone else for a job while I waited for the development of my own projects to run their course.
Iím going to take this time to learn humility. When one lets go of oneís ego, one becomes free to find his path.